第三期:好的句子I
1.完整
完整是好句子的第一要点。一个完整的句子表达单一的完整的思想,它不包含并不紧密相关的意思,也不表达本身不完整的思想。
Faulty: Du Fu was one of the greatest poets.
Revised: Du Fu was one of the greatest poets of the Tang Period.
第一句话有毛病,因为所表达的思想并不完整:时代和国家都没有提到。
加了the Tang Period句子的意思就清楚了:我们都知道唐是中国历史上的一个朝代。
2.连贯
连贯是指句子各部分之间清楚而合理的联系。句子中的词语和部分应恰当地衔接,它们之间的关系应十分清楚。不连贯的句子通常有以下几种毛病:平行结构有缺点,代词指代不清楚,修饰语和被修饰语的关系不明确,在人称、数、语态、时态或语气上有混乱之处。
Faulty: A man is judged not only by what he says but also by his deeds.
Revised: A man is judged not only by what he says but also by what he does.
A man is judged not only by his words but also by his deeds.
平行的意思最好用平行的结构来表达。此句中的what he says与his deeds在形式上不平行,所以应改动其中之一。
Faulty: To get ready for the trip, all the things she needed were put into a suitcase.
Revised: To get ready for the trip, she put all the things she needed into a suitcase.
此句中有所谓的“悬垂”修饰语(To get…)。它与所要修饰的名词或代词没有结构上的联系。那个名词或代词有时甚至不在句中;即使在句中,也不应被现有的修饰语所修饰。因为用了“悬垂”修饰语,这种句子就缺少连贯性,也就让人难以理解了。
Faulty: The idea he mentioned at first sounded good.
Revised: The idea he first mentioned sounded good.
The idea he mentioned sounded good at first.
此句中的at first即可修饰mentioned,又可修饰sounded,这种摸棱两可的修饰应该避免。
这期的作业:
1.请改正以下病句:
·Faulty: We thought she was charming, intelligent, and a very capable young woman.
·Faulty: He was knocked down by a bicycle, but it was not serious.
2.请在改正以上答案的基础上,任意挑选一句作为文章的开头写一篇60字左右的短文。内容可以自由发挥:)
参考答案:
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1. We thought she was charming, intelligent, and very capable.
We thought she was a charming, intelligent and very capable young woman.
2. He was knocked down by a bicycle, but was not badly hurt.
短文略。
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